I'm in a transitional period in life right now. Here I am, after College, after being laid off from my first job out of College, after being looked over as an Intern and after all my hopes have been crushed. I'm perplexed by the turn of events that led to my unclear nature. Being in debt from the attack of the massive student loans leaves me feeling bewildered by the University education I gave my blood, sweat and tears to. All the things that helped me define myself were all taken away from me in an instant. I'm Lost. I spend most of my days trying to figure out what to do next. I'm trying to decide who I am.
I never thought deeply about what I wanted, and who I was until everything was taken away. Never have I ever been so unsure of myself. When life has you down on your knees, it's in those desperate times that you're forced to make decisions that become the cultivation of who you are in this world. Also, when you are on your knees you're in the perfect position to pray.
Life can be cruel and I let it get me disoriented. It made me forget all the reasons why I am special. It encouraged me to stop dreaming about the future and to grimace at my present. I got tired of feeling sorry for myself and I looked to my christian background to pull me out of my funk. One scripture in particular really resonated with me.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."
Knowing that my future isn't in the hands of life itself but, in the hands of God gave me all the courage I needed to believe in myself again. My faith in him has been my crutch through this whole entire process. The process has only just begun but instead of feeling defeated before the fight is over, I'm going to fight until I am victorious.
I never thought deeply about what I wanted and who I was until everything was taken away. I have nothing to lose so I'm fighting for a better tomorrow today.
