10 Ways to get in the Holiday Spirit with your Boo

Source: vi.sualize.us via Alexandre on Pinterest

1. Explore the Holiday decorations in your city. I love going to the Galleria area to look at the beautiful lights here in Houston.

2. Sit at home and watch a holiday movie while sipping on a holiday drink like, hot toddy, hot chocolate, and eggnog or apple cider. Spike the drinks for an even better time.

3. Make a pinterest board of your Christmas list and show your honey, its okay to be kids again. :)

4. Buy Christmas ornaments that are reminiscent of each of your individuality and then buy one to represent the both of you.

5. Plan to volunteer this season together.

6. If you will be away from each other, like me and mine. Plan a special day to celebrate together, with dinner, presents and don't forget the mistletoe.

7. Explore your City. Go to places you've never been. Live a little, tis' the season.

8. Make a Christmas card together and tell your loved ones what you guys have been up to this year.

9. Give little surprises on the twelve days of Christmas, like their favorite snack one day, a cool mix tape on another, a pair of silly socks or a phone case. Get creative!

10. Buy some bubbly (apple cider or alcohol) and toast that you made it through a year together.

Everyone falls short sometime

Life is too rough not to believe in something at the end of the day.  It's hard to have relationships with people because people will fall short. People will hurt you. Even if they have the best intentions at heart, people won't always act the way you think they should. Frankly, sometimes people don't deserve you.

We have a relationship with God and we hurt him. We fall short and we don't always do the things we should do. However, God will never forsake you no matter what. Proverbs 24:16 says "A man falls seven times but rises back up again." No matter what you do or how much you hurt the Lord, it's never too late. His mercy endures forever. He will forgive you with no condemnation.

We owe it to God to forgive the people that hurt us.  We shouldn't carry a burden of anger around for anyone. We receive all the chances we ask for with God.  We owe it to him to follow in the likeness of him and have mercy on the wrongdoers.

Why do I keep dating Mr. All Wrong?

Carrie Bradshaw had a man that treated her wrong for years. After years of heart break and being in persuit of him, he gave in and she finally got what she longed for, Mr. Big. Sex and the city is not reality and although it is possible, who really wants to force a man love you?   If you find yourself dealing with a "Mr.Big" you could be settling for Mr.Wrong.

Do you find yourself depressed, tired and engaged in an emotional turmoil every time you're with this guy? Are you wondering "What's wrong with me?" or  "What did I do to deserve this?"  If so, you may be making some of the same mistakes with different men.  There are some common mistakes many women innocently make in their relationships with Mr. All Wrong.  If you answer yes to any of these questions then you may need to revise the way you handling your affairs.

1.   Are you dating someone who is not emotionally available?

2.  Are you ignoring the signs ?

3.  Are you recycling the same men ?

4. Can he reach you but, you can't reach him ?

5. Is he always making up excuses for why he can't commit ?

6. Does he keep cheating on you ?

7. Are you frowning majority of the time that you're in his presence ?

8. Are you the only one fighting for the relationship ?

9. Do you use sex as a tool to keep him around ?

10. Has he led you on and dropped you like a bad habit multiple times ?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions it doesn't mean you're in a terrible relationship.    There are different kinds of dynamics that make relationships what they are. Know your worth, respect yourself and always follow your intuition.

On your side of the bed

Have you ever been forced out of the bed because your boyfriend was sleeping on your side of the bed?  Doesn't it just irk your nerves that you either have to fall out of the bed, be squished,  uncomfortable on the edge of the bed or trying to budge a grown ass man on their side of the bed?  If you've had this problem don't worry there is a way to solve it that doesn't involve money, sleeping alone or you giving him a black eye. Here's how I got my boyfriend to stay on his side of the bed.

Four in the morning, wide awake, starring at the ceiling fan; It's hot, I look to my left and find this big man in my bubble.  I'm small in stature so I scoot over a little more and rest my eyes again.  Three minutes later, I'm suddenly hot all over again.  I look to my left and again a big man is back in my area.  I nudge him back over to his side and exhale, back to sleep I go.  Fifteen minutes have passed and I am now breathing on the back of this big man's head because again he has rolled back over to my side.  In a rage, I grab my pillow and storm out the bedroom to sleep on the couch.

The next morning,  I woke up to my boyfriend apologizing for kicking me out of the bed.  I looked at him and rolled my eyes, after all this is not the first time he has slept with no regard for me.  This had to stop, or our relationship could be compromised.  Yes, our relationship could get turbulant because sleep is very important to me.

As my day went on I was still upset with him for what he did in his lack of consciousness,  however I can never stay mad at him for long.  To ensure a good nights sleep for both of us, I decided to persuade his unconscious mind to stay on his side of the bed because telling him wasn't working.

I cooked him a delicious chicken alfredo meal and we were involved in innocent flirty foreplay the whole night.  Finally, it was time to go to bed.  Of course he wasn't letting me sleep without getting it in first, therefore ... I put it on him ( yes, I have a big ego :-D ).  I had him right where I wanted him, and I said "Now, are you going to stay on your side of the bed... Huh, huh ?"  He kinda giggled and gave me a breathy "Yea".

That night I had plenty of room.  I slept exceptionally well and not one finger, or toe crossed the border that I call "My side of the bed".  If your are dealing with sleep issues like this try to speak to his unconscious mind.  Actually if you want your man to do anything speak to him in his most vulnerable intimate moments with you and I guarentee you'll get it.

Beyonce Black Role Model

From time to time I lose my faith in women.  I really lost it after super-women anthem creator, Alicia Keys was caught creeping with a married man.  After all, pop-culture dishes out female negativity every chance it gets.  The women on popular television shows  are catty, disrespectful, indecent and lacking values.  If you look at pop culture television you will find: Bad Girls Club, Basketball Wives, Jersey Shore and various VH1dating shows.  Isn't it about time we gave the next generation some one to role model after.

And then there is Beyonce.  Beyonce pulled the most beautiful and pure publicity stunt that's been seen since Tupac and Biggie's mother's shared the same mike on the MTV  VMA's to honor their sons.  Beyonce broke Twitter record at 8,868 tweets per second. The VMA's had the largest audience ever in their viewership history. The cause of this was a tiny baby bump she rubbed in delight as she smiled from ear to ear after performing "On Top" . The premise of the baby bump exposure was a nonchalant announcement made by the glowing star, " I want you all to feel the love that's growing inside of me." Beyonce gives me hope that their is such a thing as a positive role-model in the pop culture world today. 

Beyonce gives me the courage to reach for my dreams and goals. She makes me want to be a better woman.  She has always inspired me and Sunday's  performance gave me faith that black love still exist beyond our grandparent's generation. 

I loved her latest album 4 because so many songs reminded me of the love I have.  The strong black love she and I share seems rare these days, and it's no secret that relationships are hard to maintain. However, seeing Beyonce in her conviction of true love found, peace and joy makes me realize that all that hard work will pay off one day. 

Single Status

Over the years having the single status has been referred to as a curse and a blessing. Some women pride themselves on the fact that they are single independent women who refuse to settle. Some women are tired of proving to the world that she can take care of herself and are ready to let a man take care of her and some women are just ready for love.

Is your single status an honor or a plague? If you’ve been single for long enough to get to know exactly who you are then I am sure you already know what you want in a man.  Are you single because you choose to be or are you choosing not settle until you find Mr. Right?  What is holding you back from being in a relationship?

Being single is fun but, at the end of the day every woman wants to be loved by someone other than family and friends. We want that special one. You have to admit that to yourself before you can begin to open up and let that special person in. If you are truly open and ready for all the possibilities that come with love which include, commitment, honesty, vulnerability, trust and pain then a relationship isn’t far off.

What you believe will come out some way subconsciously. If you aren’t open to new things people can read that from you and as a result they will be more hesitant to talk to you.  When trying to find love you cannot be closed off because your perfect man may not be exactly how you expect him to be. Be open to new people and new adventures and love will open up to you.

So what’s your single status?

I Fell in Love with my Best Friend

Many people shy away from being overly corny but, that may be because people haven't found a love like mine.  I can't imagine a better half that completes me. I didn't feel whole before I met him. And now I have found my missing half. My life has been truly and happily fulfilled since he swept me off my two feet.

 His arms hold all of me, my pain, my needs, my moods and my love. His heart is giant, it holds unconditional love for me, and it holds patience in my times of frustration for me and compassion in the moments when I lack.

His lips kiss all my worries away; they bring me joy, security and comfort. His eyes see the me that I sometimes don't see, in the midst of defeat he sees my opportunity and when I don't have confidence in myself he gives it to me.

His laugh contains the medicine for my remedy; it is an infectious disease that promises deliverance from anger. If you're around him you'll see that his charisma won't allow you to be a stranger. He gives me a shoulder to cry on at times and uses his humor to help dry my eyes.

His words mean so much to me. They collect me when I'm losing it. For three years faithfully they tell me I'm beautiful every day. And often I can't wait to hear all he has to say.  Most importantly he proves that by me he will stand.

Boy, am I lucky I fell in love with my best friend.

Where are all the good men?

Good men are hard to find. The saying is still true to this day. I know the saying is cliché, but let's be honest good men aren't exactly raining from the sky above. If it was raining men I'm sure all the available gay men would've already scooped them up anyways. If you're single, if you're not single or if you're in an "it's complicated," I'm sure you have already dated around enough to know that a lot of guys out there just aren't worth the time. Some guys play games, some lead you on and some just don't know how to treat a woman. Why does it seem like there aren't any good men anymore?

Times have changed. Women are taking on the responsibilities as the head of the household, single parent homes are now the norm and people are now meeting their mate off the Internet. It seems like when it comes to relationships things are changing for the worse. So why should we expect the results to be any different when trying to find a good man?

The reality of it is, men are getting lazy and women are accepting it (of course there are always exceptions). When you think about it, being a good man takes hard work. A good man has to be disciplined enough to be loyal, patient enough to respect your boundaries, understanding enough to respect your values, chivalrous enough to treat you like a lady, he has to be trustworthy, appreciative and the list goes on. If this was easy to achieve there would be a lot more good men out there and way less jerks. 

We as women play a part in the demise of good men as well. We have allowed men to get away with being jerks. Think about it... Men will do just about anything to impress a woman. They used to court a woman they were interested in. They used to have to work to get a woman. Now, it seems like women have lowered their standards and are okay with not getting courted. Women are acting like cubic zirconiums instead of the true rare gems that they truly are.

Before a man will understand your worth you have to know you’re worth it. If you act like less then you are, don't be surprised when he follows suit. If a man doesn't have to do anything extra to get with a woman he definitely won't. It's human nature not to work hard for something that can easily be handed to you; this is why someone coined the phrase "work smarter not harder". If women started giving men a challenge again, I know men would rise to the challenge because that's what they're hard-wired to do.

Yes, there will always be the type of girl who will accept a man with too many liabilities; however that doesn't have to be you. You deserve more. If you know that, you will attract someone who believes the same.

Marriage and the Anticipation Factor

Are women hardwired from birth to want marriage so much that they fall in love with the idea rather than the man they're going to marry? I sat in class one summer listening to my group member ask another classmate that was getting married how she got him to propose to her, and that she wanted her man to do the same. When I heard the classmate ask her I almost gagged. This is the same girl who has told me numerous horror stories about her boyfriend and their alleged “relationship”. I couldn’t believe that she would even consider marriage at this point. Mind you, this girl’s boyfriend didn't have a job, wasn't educated, wasn’t motivated to be better and wasn’t even handy around the house. She literally referred to him as “The homeless bum”. However, she was still obsessed with getting him to propose.

I don't understand why we get so caught up in the idea of marriage. According to Ezine articles, “…As soon as a woman descends her teenage, a natural force develops curiosity for getting married. Your ambition to get settled in professional life might delay your age of marriage, still you don't completely abandon the thought of enjoying the status of a married woman.” Where does this “natural force” come from?

Society, media and your own family values cultivate your ideas and beliefs. I’m sure we’ve all grown up watching fairy tales. If not then, I’m sure you’ve read about them. No matter the fairy tale there is always an ending that never strays from the same “happily ever after” conclusion; the girl falls in love, she marries a man and lives happily ever after. Part of the reason women anticipate marriage is because it has been ingrained in them since they were young. We love those happy endings and subconsciously we decide at a very young age that we want what Cinderella has, to be swept away in a carriage with prince charming.

We prematurely want marriage before we even know what it in tells. This may have been the case with the anxious classmate with the slacker boyfriend. The engaged classmate gave her a word of advice she said, “Make sure he has a job first, and some money.” I cracked up when I heard that. I’m not engaged but I would think the first thing you need is to be in a committed relationship, and then comes unconditional love but, maybe I’m crazy.