10 Ways to get in the Holiday Spirit with your Boo

Source: vi.sualize.us via Alexandre on Pinterest

1. Explore the Holiday decorations in your city. I love going to the Galleria area to look at the beautiful lights here in Houston.

2. Sit at home and watch a holiday movie while sipping on a holiday drink like, hot toddy, hot chocolate, and eggnog or apple cider. Spike the drinks for an even better time.

3. Make a pinterest board of your Christmas list and show your honey, its okay to be kids again. :)

4. Buy Christmas ornaments that are reminiscent of each of your individuality and then buy one to represent the both of you.

5. Plan to volunteer this season together.

6. If you will be away from each other, like me and mine. Plan a special day to celebrate together, with dinner, presents and don't forget the mistletoe.

7. Explore your City. Go to places you've never been. Live a little, tis' the season.

8. Make a Christmas card together and tell your loved ones what you guys have been up to this year.

9. Give little surprises on the twelve days of Christmas, like their favorite snack one day, a cool mix tape on another, a pair of silly socks or a phone case. Get creative!

10. Buy some bubbly (apple cider or alcohol) and toast that you made it through a year together.

When the going gets tough Pt. 3

There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  I am doing to do a series on getting through the tough times in a relationship.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself. The first part of the series we talked about knowing your coping mechanism, the second part dealt with honesty. Here is the link to both parts. 

The last step in the "when the going gets tough series" is to communicate.  Communication is tricky.  It has to be the right time for communication to be used as a mending tool.  In long term relationships we tend to get defensive. Once your guard goes up it will be hard for any positivity to occur.  It will end up being the blame game or silent game or blow off game or a screaming match.

Sometimes you have to drop a conversation and pick it back up after both contenders have completely cooled off.  It's hard to know the exact time when you should have the talk but when the right moment approaches you'll know.  It's not going to be on your time, and not necessarily their time but it will be a time of peace.  That is when you both can get your points across without all the forceful components.

You may have the same argument over and over again because it's not the right time to communicate but when you get it right you will be glad you had the talk.  Nine times out of ten you are both harboring secret feelings that the other doesn't know about and genuinely listening will allow you and your mate to feel comfortable sharing them.

 Don't make the mistake and think a man doesn't have feelings because they do. Sometimes it is harder for them to be in touch with their own emotions so have patience (a good friend told me that). After all, love is patient. Once you feel understood then proving a point will no longer be the goal. At the end of the day all we want is to be heard and for our feelings to be validated.

When the going gets tough Pt.2

There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  In the first part of this series we talked about finding your coping mechanism and why you cope the way you do.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself. To see Part one here is the link.This is the second part of the "When the Going Gets Tough".

Being honest with your situation means making a commitment to work on your relationship when it gets tough, or coming to the realization that the relationship isn't what you both want. Your relationship has to be a commitment that you're willing to give the amount of effort it takes to see it through the tough times.

You must get to the root of the problem.  Are you depressed? Are you taking things out on him when it has nothing to do with him? It is impossible to be in a happy relationship if you aren't happy with yourself.  The next step is to evaluate how you feel about your relationship within yourself.  Likewise your mate.  If one of you is feeling incomplete there is no way one can give themselves to another completely.

If one or both of you aren't happy within yourselves then you may need a break from each other so that you can solely focus on yourself.  For example when I took a break I stayed at my house everyday instead of spending the night with him. That gave me time to establish my own identity again even though we still saw each other for a couple of hours everyday. We looked forward to the hours we would spend together again.  I took on projects that gave me confidence and that made me happy. Even if you live with each other try to do things that you like to do away from the house. Try to spend time with friends or family members.  A little space can do wonders for a relationship that's going through a rough patch. It actually gives you time to appreciate each other and get to the bottom of why you're relationship is going through the ringer.

When the going gets tough. PT 1.

There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  I am going to do a series on getting through the tough times in a relationship.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself.

How do you deal with animosity in your relationship?
Do you get irritable and snap at your mate?  Do you act like everything is OK, when they're not?  Do you find ways to stay apart more?  Whatever your coping mechanism is you really need to be genuine with yourself and your situation.

For instance I know I cope with relationship problems internally. I hold it in until I burst or I'm coaxed to purge.  I know... not healthy at all.  However, I grew up in a strict single parent home, Mom was too busy trying to survive to listen.  Expressing yourself out of adversity as a child was a bit unheard of.  You're a kid, you're not supposed to have worries....Wrong! I keep this burden of silence with me to this day when I feel completely overwhelmed with emotions. Knowing your coping mechanism helps you figure out if you may have some issues that you need to address.

I would encourage you to take the time out to recognize you're coping mechanism. Once you do try to pinpoint exactly why you cope like you do.  If you cope an unhealthy way then you may need to try to correct it or at least acknowledge your issue.

Next Tuesday let's discuss the 2nd point...Honesty in your situation.

Everyone falls short sometime

Life is too rough not to believe in something at the end of the day.  It's hard to have relationships with people because people will fall short. People will hurt you. Even if they have the best intentions at heart, people won't always act the way you think they should. Frankly, sometimes people don't deserve you.

We have a relationship with God and we hurt him. We fall short and we don't always do the things we should do. However, God will never forsake you no matter what. Proverbs 24:16 says "A man falls seven times but rises back up again." No matter what you do or how much you hurt the Lord, it's never too late. His mercy endures forever. He will forgive you with no condemnation.

We owe it to God to forgive the people that hurt us.  We shouldn't carry a burden of anger around for anyone. We receive all the chances we ask for with God.  We owe it to him to follow in the likeness of him and have mercy on the wrongdoers.

Why do I keep dating Mr. All Wrong?

Carrie Bradshaw had a man that treated her wrong for years. After years of heart break and being in persuit of him, he gave in and she finally got what she longed for, Mr. Big. Sex and the city is not reality and although it is possible, who really wants to force a man love you?   If you find yourself dealing with a "Mr.Big" you could be settling for Mr.Wrong.

Do you find yourself depressed, tired and engaged in an emotional turmoil every time you're with this guy? Are you wondering "What's wrong with me?" or  "What did I do to deserve this?"  If so, you may be making some of the same mistakes with different men.  There are some common mistakes many women innocently make in their relationships with Mr. All Wrong.  If you answer yes to any of these questions then you may need to revise the way you handling your affairs.

1.   Are you dating someone who is not emotionally available?

2.  Are you ignoring the signs ?

3.  Are you recycling the same men ?

4. Can he reach you but, you can't reach him ?

5. Is he always making up excuses for why he can't commit ?

6. Does he keep cheating on you ?

7. Are you frowning majority of the time that you're in his presence ?

8. Are you the only one fighting for the relationship ?

9. Do you use sex as a tool to keep him around ?

10. Has he led you on and dropped you like a bad habit multiple times ?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions it doesn't mean you're in a terrible relationship.    There are different kinds of dynamics that make relationships what they are. Know your worth, respect yourself and always follow your intuition.

Keeping the zsa zsa zsu in a relationship

The zsa zsa zsu is that feeling you get when you first start getting serious with a guy . It's a feeling of nostalgia, puppy love and sheer obsession.  The bad thing about the zsa zsa zsu is it ends almost as quickly as it began, unless you are constantly resuscitating it.  

I like to think of my relationship as having the zsa zsa zsu. We're both madly in love and people don't understand why we don't ever want to be apart from each other.  We are each others best friends. Throughout our three in a half year romantic relationship we have kept the zsa zsa zsu and here are some ways we do it. 

• We decided to pick out and buy each others clothes to wear on a date. Then we surprised each other with our outfits the day of our date.  


• I surprised my b.f with patio furniture. Then we had romantic dinner on the patio and had romantic music playing in the background.


• We plan movie matinees  during the week and get two movies for the price of one (If you know what I mean)


• We have theme nights. Recently, we had a skinny girl margaritas and SATC night (of course it was my night to pick the theme)  


• We have a list of funniest T.V clips that make us laugh so hard we both end up on the floor gasping for air 


• We pick recipes out of cook books and we cook them together 


• My b.f and I go bike riding together once or twice a month


• Like kids we wrestle, giggle and tease each other


• We find new music and share it with each other


• We treat my dog Sammy like he's our kid


• We play games like uno, slap jack, basketball, monopoly, the un-game and dominos

These are just some examples of how we keep our relationship new.  Do you think it's important to keep the zsa zsa zsu in a relationship? What are some ways you renew your relationship? 

Actions Speak Louder than Words

There are times in relationships when you start to question a person’s intentions.  No matter how strong your relationship is, sometimes you need reassurance.  When people get comfortable they tend to start talking without the sensor. You begin to see the real person and how they truly are.  The person is no longer on their best behavior and they are comfortable showing you their true self.  In your relationship he is going to say things that piss you off, he will say things that make you uncomfortable, and he will say things that make you question his love for you. In all fairness, you will say things that do that too.  This is when you get in your feelings and start to become emotional when it may not be necessary/This is when you get in your emotions and start acting irrationally.

When you’re in a relationship about 40 % is logical and 60 % is emotional.  I propose we become more logical in a relationship.  If your boyfriend tells you one thing but does something different then always trust his actions before you trust his words; that’s logic.  My boyfriend is a jokester so he says a lot of things for laughs.  When I’m not in the playing mood sometimes I take his jokes too seriously against my better judgment.  Later, I’ll think about them and start getting upset about what he’s said.  In one of his non-joking moods he’s told me several times that his mom and his sister will always come before me no matter what.  Naturally, at first I was content with that.  However, the more involved we got the more I started feeling less like a priority and more like an option.  

 Despite the fact that I didn’t feel like a priority, his actions screamed that I was.   Recently he bought me a beautiful promise ring that represented his love and dedication to our relationship.  Then he moved 700 miles away from his family to be with me.  For the first time I realized that I was a priority; he had finally put me first and I knew that because of his actions.  

No matter what a man says, his actions will always foreshadow the man that he is and the man that he will be to you.  Remember, it’s our actions that show our true feelings for the other person.  In relationships would you rather him declare his love for you in words or through action?

your words are what bind you; Your actions are what define you. -M.H

The Comfort of Venting

It's like release therapy when we're able to finally let our true emotions out to an outsider.  We find comfort in venting.  When we have issues within our relationship we tend to vent to other women.  We feel better when we are running our mouths about our problems to a girlfriend rather than communicating our emotions with our man.   As women we understand each other far better than men seem to.   So, having that talk with our man seems more like a daunting task than a movement in the right direction. 

Now, there may be some repercussions form venting your problems to a friend, because after all, her loyalty is to you, not him.  Your friend may start to have negative thoughts and feelings towards him because of the things you have told her in confidence.   If you are talking bad about your man to her then you may be sending a message that it is okay for her to bash him.  Once the issue is resolved and you and your man are in a good place she still might be thinking about all the negative things he’s done, and may not let you forget either. 

For the record, I’m not saying that all women do that.  I have a best friend that I can tell anything to and she doesn’t judge and doesn’t ever say anything negative about my relationship because she respects it and my feelings.  However, from my experience, most people feed on negative energy and will try to keep it afloat. 

Some things are better kept between the two people in the relationship. That eager sensation to share your business with others should be suppressed.  Sometimes it helps to vent, but everyone is not trustworthy.   So, be careful who you run your mouth to because Haters Hate Love.  Do you ever find yourself in a situation you don't like because you've ran your mouth to the wrong person? What's your philosophy behind this issue?

But, He Loves Me

We've all been in relationships that haven't been the best for us, but we stayed for love or faux love.  I understand why some women stay in these unhealthy relationships.  I think it has everything to do with not knowing your self-worth.  If you know your self-worth you will not allow yourself to put up with certain things, right?

In my sexual psychology class I learned that men are worse at separating love and rationality than women are.  That is the reason we want to have so many talks with our guys, instead of being able to just "go with the flow".  If something doesn't make sense to us we will question the hell out of it until we get a rational answer or until it starts to make sense.  But, why do we stay when all things rational are telling us that we should go?  Since I can't answer this baffling question, I do have some pointers to help avoid this confound situation.

The rules of thumb: When I first became "of age" my Daddy made sure he talked to me about boys.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  One summer, I was sitting at the bar in the kitchen when I felt his firm heavy hand gently touch my back.  In that simple yet complex touch, he reaffirmed to me that I was his joy.  After a short conversation about school we had a long discussion about the birds and the bees.  Two things he told me that summer stuck with me, and I still believe in them wholeheartedly.  He said, "Don't listen to what these ni99as tell you UNLESS there is some action behind it and make sure he keeps his promises."

I hear u talking but you ain't saying nothing: I know sometimes we get swept away by the things that men say to us.  But, actions truly do speak louder than words.  If a man is constantly showing you disrespect.  He does not respect you.  See, men are simple creatures whatever they continuously do for or to you is a sure sign of how they feel about you. Don't ignore the continual signs he's giving you because you're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  If he is continually showing you that he has asshole tendencies then believe that he's a consistent asshole.  The same goes for a man that knows how to treat a woman.  Do not try to make him into the "bad guy" because of history you've had with another man.  It is okay to believe that he is actually a good guy if he has those consistent good guy tendencies.  Instead of taking the things that men say to heart allow them to prove it to you before you fall head over heels for them.

Know your worth: If there was anything my Dad showed me it was that I am his princess: beautiful, rare, loved, and respected.  So, I'll be a Monkey's Uncle if I let a man treat me less then what I am already accustomed to.  Women need to know their worth.  A woman should never have to endure an abusive relationship with a man.  We should not allow a man to treat us like less than what we're worth.  Don't settle, but realize that no man is perfect.

The Devil is a lie:  I'm sure we all have or know someone who has fallen victim to believing that no one else will love you again like that one guy.  Well, I'm here to tell you that that is a big fat lie!  There will be a man that will treat you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.  After all it is the way of the Lord.  Ephesians 5:25-28 "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church-a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor-since they're already "one" in marriage".

The "bad guys" are a dime a dozen but, the good men come few and far between.  So, If you're lucky enough to snatch up a good one then appreciate what you do have and thank God for what you don't have.