I'm in a transitional period in life right now. Here I am, after College, after being laid off from my first job out of College, after being looked over as an Intern and after all my hopes have been crushed. I'm perplexed by the turn of events that led to my unclear nature. Being in debt from the attack of the massive student loans leaves me feeling bewildered by the University education I gave my blood, sweat and tears to. All the things that helped me define myself were all taken away from me in an instant. I'm Lost. I spend most of my days trying to figure out what to do next. I'm trying to decide who I am.
I never thought deeply about what I wanted, and who I was until everything was taken away. Never have I ever been so unsure of myself. When life has you down on your knees, it's in those desperate times that you're forced to make decisions that become the cultivation of who you are in this world. Also, when you are on your knees you're in the perfect position to pray.
Life can be cruel and I let it get me disoriented. It made me forget all the reasons why I am special. It encouraged me to stop dreaming about the future and to grimace at my present. I got tired of feeling sorry for myself and I looked to my christian background to pull me out of my funk. One scripture in particular really resonated with me.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."
Knowing that my future isn't in the hands of life itself but, in the hands of God gave me all the courage I needed to believe in myself again. My faith in him has been my crutch through this whole entire process. The process has only just begun but instead of feeling defeated before the fight is over, I'm going to fight until I am victorious.
I never thought deeply about what I wanted and who I was until everything was taken away. I have nothing to lose so I'm fighting for a better tomorrow today.
Know how you feel hun, know things will get better soon, much love :) X
ReplyDeleteI may not know exactly what you're going through, but I know what it's like to be at the kind of crossroad you speak of here. It's so awesome to see that you are trusting in God and are aware that he has great plans for you :) Hang in there, girlie. That door at your job may be closing because God has to prepare you for that new door that's opening in your life soon.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself and be encouraged, miss lady <3
I remember being at a confusing and very hazy crossroads in my life. You just have to trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to in the end...you never know what could be coming next and although things might look bleak now there could be a better opportunity waiting. Just stay strong and don't be so hard on yourself :)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this post right now. I have that same scripture written down and everything. Believe me we will both pull through. If you don't stop you are still winning...all we have to do is "KEEP ON GOING."
ReplyDeleteIn scripture it says "this too shall pass." Just keep the faith and keep praying. God is amazing and he is our source. If you remember that you can never do wrong.
Tarah this is a beautiful discovery! Sometimes it takes going through a situation to do some good reflection and come out with something concrete and stable within ourselves.
ReplyDeleteThis is one reason I have chosen to homeschool my children. Our system attaches to much of the notion "we are what we do". I teach my children to stand on the basis of "being" who they are rather than defining who they are by what they do. The question I always have for them is what are you going to do when you grow up, not what are you going to be. So that just in case they stop doing that thing they don't loose who they are.
Thanks for all the encouraging words everybody!
ReplyDelete:)