LIFE and LOVE


10 Great Things to do with Your Boo this Holiday




1. Explore the Holiday decorations in your city. I love going to the Galleria area to look at the beautiful lights here in Houston.

2. Sit at home and watch a holiday movie while sipping on a holiday drink like, hot toddy, hot chocolate, and eggnog or apple cider. Spike the drinks for an even better time.

3. Make a pinterest board of your Christmas list and show your honey, its okay to be kids again. :)

4. Buy Christmas ornaments that are reminiscent of each of your individuality and then buy one to represent the both of you.

5. Plan to volunteer this season together.

6. If you will be away from each other, like me and mine. Plan a special day to celebrate together, with dinner, presents and don't forget the mistletoe.

7. Explore your City. Go to places you've never been. Live a little, tis' the season.

8. Make a Christmas card together and tell your loved ones what you guys have been up to this year.

9. Give little surprises on the twelve days of Christmas, like their favorite snack one day, a cool mix tape on another, a pair of silly socks or a phone case. Get creative!

10. Buy some bubbly (apple cider or alcohol) and toast that you made it through a year together.


THE COMFORT OF VENTING

 
 



It's like release therapy when we're able to finally let our true emotions out to an outsider.  We find comfort in venting.  When we have issues within our relationship we tend to vent to other women.  We feel better when we are running our mouths about our problems to a girlfriend rather than communicating our emotions with our man.   As women we understand each other far better than men seem to.   So, having that talk with our man seems more like a daunting task than a movement in the right direction. 

Now, there may be some repercussions form venting your problems to a friend, because after all, her loyalty is to you, not him.  Your friend may start to have negative thoughts and feelings towards him because of the things you have told her in confidence.   If you are talking bad about your man to her then you may be sending a message that it is okay for her to bash him.  Once the issue is resolved and you and your man are in a good place she still might be thinking about all the negative things he’s done, and may not let you forget either. 

For the record, I’m not saying that all women do that.  I have a best friend that I can tell anything to and she doesn’t judge and doesn’t ever say anything negative about my relationship because she respects it and my feelings.  However, from my experience, most people feed on negative energy and will try to keep it afloat. 

Some things are better kept between the two people in the relationship. That eager sensation to share your business with others should be suppressed.  Sometimes it helps to vent, but everyone is not trustworthy.   So, be careful who you run your mouth to because Haters Hate Love.  Do you ever find yourself in a situation you don't like because you've ran your mouth to the wrong person? What's your philosophy behind this issue?

 

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

 
 
 

There are times in relationships when you start to question a person’s intentions.  No matter how strong your relationship is, sometimes you need reassurance.  When people get comfortable they tend to start talking without the sensor. You begin to see the real person and how they truly are.  The person is no longer on their best behavior and they are comfortable showing you their true self.  In your relationship he is going to say things that piss you off, he will say things that make you uncomfortable, and he will say things that make you question his love for you. In all fairness, you will say things that do that too.  This is when you get in your feelings and start to become emotional when it may not be necessary/This is when you get in your emotions and start acting irrationally.


When you’re in a relationship about 40 % is logical and 60 % is emotional.  I propose we become more logical in a relationship.  If your boyfriend tells you one thing but does something different then always trust his actions before you trust his words; that’s logic.  My boyfriend is a jokester so he says a lot of things for laughs.  When I’m not in the playing mood sometimes I take his jokes too seriously against my better judgment.  Later, I’ll think about them and start getting upset about what he’s said.  In one of his non-joking moods he’s told me several times that his mom and his sister will always come before me no matter what.  Naturally, at first I was content with that.  However, the more involved we got the more I started feeling less like a priority and more like an option.  


 Despite the fact that I didn’t feel like a priority, his actions screamed that I was.   Recently he bought me a beautiful promise ring that represented his love and dedication to our relationship.  Then he moved 700 miles away from his family to be with me.  For the first time I realized that I was a priority; he had finally put me first and I knew that because of his actions.  


No matter what a man says, his actions will always foreshadow the man that he is and the man that he will be to you.  Remember, it’s our actions that show our true feelings for the other person.  In relationships would you rather him declare his love for you in words or through action?

 

BUT, HE LOVES ME

 

We've all been in relationships that haven't been the best for us, but we stayed for love or faux love.  I understand why some women stay in these unhealthy relationships.  I think it has everything to do with not knowing your self-worth.  If you know your self-worth you will not allow yourself to put up with certain things, right?

In my sexual psychology class I learned that men are worse at separating love and rationality than women are.  That is the reason we want to have so many talks with our guys, instead of being able to just "go with the flow".  If something doesn't make sense to us we will question the hell out of it until we get a rational answer or until it starts to make sense.  But, why do we stay when all things rational are telling us that we should go?  Since I can't answer this baffling question, I do have some pointers to help avoid this confound situation.

The rules of thumb: When I first became "of age" my Daddy made sure he talked to me about boys.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  One summer, I was sitting at the bar in the kitchen when I felt his firm heavy hand gently touch my back.  In that simple yet complex touch, he reaffirmed to me that I was his joy.  After a short conversation about school we had a long discussion about the birds and the bees.  Two things he told me that summer stuck with me, and I still believe in them wholeheartedly.  He said, "Don't listen to what these ni99as tell you UNLESS there is some action behind it and make sure he keeps his promises."

I hear u talking but you ain't saying nothing: I know sometimes we get swept away by the things that men say to us.  But, actions truly do speak louder than words.  If a man is constantly showing you disrespect.  He does not respect you.  See, men are simple creatures whatever they continuously do for or to you is a sure sign of how they feel about you. Don't ignore the continual signs he's giving you because you're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  If he is continually showing you that he has asshole tendencies then believe that he's a consistent asshole.  The same goes for a man that knows how to treat a woman.  Do not try to make him into the "bad guy" because of history you've had with another man.  It is okay to believe that he is actually a good guy if he has those consistent good guy tendencies.  Instead of taking the things that men say to heart allow them to prove it to you before you fall head over heels for them.

Know your worth: If there was anything my Dad showed me it was that I am his princess: beautiful, rare, loved, and respected.  So, I'll be a Monkey's Uncle if I let a man treat me less then what I am already accustomed to.  Women need to know their worth.  A woman should never have to endure an abusive relationship with a man.  We should not allow a man to treat us like less than what we're worth.  Don't settle, but realize that no man is perfect.

The Devil is a lie:  I'm sure we all have or know someone who has fallen victim to believing that no one else will love you again like that one guy.  Well, I'm here to tell you that that is a big fat lie!  There will be a man that will treat you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.  After all it is the way of the Lord.  Ephesians 5:25-28 "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church-a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor-since they're already "one" in marriage".
The "bad guys" are a dime a dozen but, the good men come few and far between.  So, If you're lucky enough to snatch up a good one then appreciate what you do have and thank God for what you don't have.

your words are what bind you; Your actions are what define you. -M.H
 
 

WHAT ALL WOMEN DISLIKE IN A MAN


Ten things all women dislike in a man:
 
1.       Men that have too much pride. (We want a man that will wear his heart on his sleeve for the woman he loves. Tell me “I’m the one” without worrying about if you'll look sprung.)
 
2.       Men that try to control what we do or what we wear.  (I’m not your property.)
 
3.       CHEAP men. (If its anything we hate it’s a man that frowns when a woman orders what she actually wants off the menu and complains to his boys that “she ordered something that she can’t even afford herself” Get over it.)  
 
4.       Men that don’t call back when they say they will. (If you’re not going to call me back then don’t say you will... Is that so hard?)
 
5.       Men that stand us up on dates. (Do you know how long it takes for us to get ready? Have you any decency?)
 
6.       Men that can’t do anything manly.( This is the man that can’t do anything for you, he doesn’t fix cars, he doesn’t fix anything around the house, doesn’t cut the grass, he doesn’t take out the trash, doesn’t take you out, he can’t even put it down right... what a waste.)
 
7.       Men who blame every argument on “that time of the month”.
 
9.       Men who publicly flirt with another woman right in front of us. (You’re doing too much if the Wal-Mart cashier asks if she can come over for breakfast to eat the waffles you just bought.)
 
10.      Men with anger issues. (You should seek anger management if you have had to replace your phone more than three times due to you throwing it against the wall because she asked you not to watch the game today.)
 

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH PT.1

 
 
 

There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  I am going to do a series on getting through the tough times in a relationship.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself.

How do you deal with animosity in your relationship?
Do you get irritable and snap at your mate?  Do you act like everything is OK, when they're not?  Do you find ways to stay apart more?  Whatever your coping mechanism is you really need to be genuine with yourself and your situation.

For instance I know I cope with relationship problems internally. I hold it in until I burst or I'm coaxed to purge.  I know... not healthy at all.  However, I grew up in a strict single parent home, Mom was too busy trying to survive to listen.  Expressing yourself out of adversity as a child was a bit unheard of.  You're a kid, you're not supposed to have worries....Wrong! I keep this burden of silence with me to this day when I feel completely overwhelmed with emotions. Knowing your coping mechanism helps you figure out if you may have some issues that you need to address.

I would encourage you to take the time out to recognize you're coping mechanism. Once you do try to pinpoint exactly why you cope like you do.  If you cope an unhealthy way then you may need to try to correct it or at least acknowledge your issue.

Next Tuesday let's discuss the 2nd point...Honesty in your situation.


WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH PT.2

There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  In the first part of this series we talked about finding your coping mechanism and why you cope the way you do.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself. To see Part one here is the link.This is the second part of the "When the Going Gets Tough".

Being honest with your situation means making a commitment to work on your relationship when it gets tough, or coming to the realization that the relationship isn't what you both want. Your relationship has to be a commitment that you're willing to give the amount of effort it takes to see it through the tough times.

You must get to the root of the problem.  Are you depressed? Are you taking things out on him when it has nothing to do with him? It is impossible to be in a happy relationship if you aren't happy with yourself.  The next step is to evaluate how you feel about your relationship within yourself.  Likewise your mate.  If one of you is feeling incomplete there is no way one can give themselves to another completely.

If one or both of you aren't happy within yourselves then you may need a break from each other so that you can solely focus on yourself.  For example when I took a break I stayed at my house everyday instead of spending the night with him. That gave me time to establish my own identity again even though we still saw each other for a couple of hours everyday. We looked forward to the hours we would spend together again.  I took on projects that gave me confidence and that made me happy. Even if you live with each other try to do things that you like to do away from the house. Try to spend time with friends or family members.  A little space can do wonders for a relationship that's going through a rough patch. It actually gives you time to appreciate each other and get to the bottom of why you're relationship is going through the ringer.


 

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH PT 3





There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  I am doing to do a series on getting through the tough times in a relationship.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself. The first part of the series we talked about knowing your coping mechanism, the second part dealt with honesty. Here is the link to both parts

The last step in the "when the going gets tough series" is to communicate.  Communication is tricky.  It has to be the right time for communication to be used as a mending tool.  In long term relationships we tend to get defensive. Once your guard goes up it will be hard for any positivity to occur.  It will end up being the blame game or silent game or blow off game or a screaming match.

Sometimes you have to drop a conversation and pick it back up after both contenders have completely cooled off.  It's hard to know the exact time when you should have the talk but when the right moment approaches you'll know.  It's not going to be on your time, and not necessarily their time but it will be a time of peace.  That is when you both can get your points across without all the forceful components.

You may have the same argument over and over again because it's not the right time to communicate but when you get it right you will be glad you had the talk.  Nine times out of ten you are both harboring secret feelings that the other doesn't know about and genuinely listening will allow you and your mate to feel comfortable sharing them.

 Don't make the mistake and think a man doesn't have feelings because they do. Sometimes it is harder for them to be in touch with their own emotions so have patience (a good friend told me that). After all, love is patient. Once you feel understood then proving a point will no longer be the goal. At the end of the day all we want is to be heard and for our feelings to be validated.




THE DILEMA

 
He's perfect. He is a very successful business man. He has money, a nice house, he's attentive, loving and he spoils you every chance he gets. He has proved time and time again how committed he is to you and your relationship.  He truly loves you for who you are and you love him too.  There is only one problem... He has been married three times, has four kids and doesn't want to get married or have children ever again.

You have never been married nor had a child of your own. You decided long ago you so desperately want those things to happen in your lifetime with the man of your dreams.  Not to mention your last relationship of five years ended because your boyfriend wasn't ready to get married to you.  What do you do?

Do you stay in this relationship that has made you the happiest that you've been in years and deny yourself your ideal life?

Do you take a gamble and break up with him to find someone else?

What would you do?


KEEPING THE ZSA ZSA ZSU IN A RELATIONSHIP




The zsa zsa zsu is that feeling you get when you first start getting serious with a guy . It's a feeling of nostalgia, puppy love and sheer obsession.  The bad thing about the zsa zsa zsu is it ends almost as quickly as it began, unless you are constantly resuscitating it.  
I like to think of my relationship as having the zsa zsa zsu. We're both madly in love and people don't understand why we don't ever want to be apart from each other.  We are each others best friends. Throughout our three in a half year romantic relationship we have kept the zsa zsa zsu and here are some ways we do it. 
  • We decided to pick out and buy each others clothes to wear on a date. Then we surprised each other with our outfits the day of our date.  

  • I surprised my b.f with patio furniture. Then we had romantic dinner on the patio and had romantic music playing in the background.

  • We plan movie matinees  during the week and get two movies for the price of one (If you know what I mean)

  • We have theme nights. Recently, we had a skinny girl margaritas and SATC night (of course it was my night to pick the theme)  

  • We have a list of funniest T.V clips that make us laugh so hard we both end up on the floor gasping for air 

  • We pick recipes out of cook books and we cook them together 

  • My b.f and I go bike riding together once or twice a month

  • Like kids we wrestle, giggle and tease each other

  • We find new music and share it with each other

  • We treat my dog Sammy like he's our kid

  • We play games like uno, slap jack, basketball, monopoly, the un-game and dominos

These are just some examples of how we keep our relationship new.  Do you think it's important to keep the zsa zsa zsu in a relationship? What are some ways you renew your relationship? 

 

MARRIAGE AND THE ANTICIPATION FACTOR 

Are women hardwired from birth to want marriage so much that they fall in love with the idea rather than the man they're going to marry? I sat in class one summer listening to my group member ask another classmate that was getting married how she got him to propose to her, and that she wanted her man to do the same. When I heard the classmate ask her I almost gagged. This is the same girl who has told me numerous horror stories about her boyfriend and their alleged “relationship”. I couldn’t believe that she would even consider marriage at this point. Mind you, this girl’s boyfriend didn't have a job, wasn't educated, wasn’t motivated to be better and wasn’t even handy around the house. She literally referred to him as “The homeless bum”. However, she was still obsessed with getting him to propose.
 
I don't understand why we get so caught up in the idea of marriage. According to Ezine articles, “…As soon as a woman descends her teenage, a natural force develops curiosity for getting married. Your ambition to get settled in professional life might delay your age of marriage, still you don't completely abandon the thought of enjoying the status of a married woman.” Where does this “natural force” come from? 

Society, media and your own family values cultivate your ideas and beliefs. I’m sure we’ve all grown up watching fairy tales. If not then, I’m sure you’ve read about them. No matter the fairy tale there is always an ending that never strays from the same “happily ever after” conclusion; the girl falls in love, she marries a man and lives happily ever after. Part of the reason women anticipate marriage is because it has been ingrained in them since they were young. We love those happy endings and subconsciously we decide at a very young age that we want what Cinderella has, to be swept away in a carriage with prince charming.

We prematurely want marriage before we even know what it in tells. This may have been the case with the anxious classmate with the slacker boyfriend. The engaged classmate gave her a word of advice she said, “Make sure he has a job first, and some money.” I cracked up when I heard that. I’m not engaged but I would think the first thing you need is to be in a committed relationship, and then comes unconditional love but, maybe I’m crazy.

 

 

WHAT WOULD THE WORLD BE WITHOUT MEN?





The 90's sitcom Living Single's Maxine once asked the question, " Kedeshia, What would the world be like without men?" Kedeshia responds " A bunch of fat happy women with no crime."  We all start out without the Y chromosome which makes us females. Here are ten ways to tell that you live in a world without men.

1.  Jewelry stores would most likely go out of business

2.  Instead of bars, there would be spa's everywhere.

3.  Beer wouldn't have been invented, instead there would be carbonated cosmopolitans. (Don't steal my idea) ;-)

4.  Everybodies cycle would sink up and once a month we'd all have a week off.

5.  No more women dealing with the side effects of birth control. We would all be artificially inseminated when the time was right.

6.  Hooters and strip clubs would be non existence.

7.  Cars would have lots of cup holders and they would come in a bigger variety of colors.

8.  There wouldn't be a prison b/c you wouldn't need one. 97% of prisons are male.

9.  There would be no wars and there would be world conferences throughout the year.

10.  Black Friday would happen more than once a year.

What do you think the world would be without men?


SINGLE STATUS


Over the years having the single status has been referred to as a curse and a blessing. Some women pride themselves on the fact that they are single independent women who refuse to settle. Some women are tired of proving to the world that she can take care of herself and are ready to let a man take care of her and some women are just ready for love.

Is your single status an honor or a plague? If you’ve been single for long enough to get to know exactly who you are then I am sure you already know what you want in a man.  Are you single because you choose to be or are you choosing not settle until you find Mr. Right?  What is holding you back from being in a relationship?

Being single is fun but, at the end of the day every woman wants to be loved by someone other than family and friends. We want that special one. You have to admit that to yourself before you can begin to open up and let that special person in. If you are truly open and ready for all the possibilities that come with love which include, commitment, honesty, vulnerability, trust and pain then a relationship isn’t far off.

What you believe will come out some way subconsciously. If you aren’t open to new things people can read that from you and as a result they will be more hesitant to talk to you.  When trying to find love you cannot be closed off because your perfect man may not be exactly how you expect him to be. Be open to new people and new adventures and love will open up to you.
So what’s your single status?
 

WHY DO I KEEP DATING MR. ALL WRONG?

Carrie Bradshaw had a man that treated her wrong for years. After years of heart break and being in persuit of him, he gave in and she finally got what she longed for, Mr. Big. Sex and the city is not reality and although it is possible, who really wants to force a man love you?   If you find yourself dealing with a "Mr.Big" you could be settling for Mr.Wrong.

Do you find yourself depressed, tired and engaged in an emotional turmoil every time you're with this guy? Are you wondering "What's wrong with me?" or  "What did I do to deserve this?"  If so, you may be making some of the same mistakes with different men.  There are some common mistakes many women innocently make in their relationships with Mr. All Wrong.  If you answer yes to any of these questions then you may need to revise the way you handling your affairs.

1.   Are you dating someone who is not emotionally available?

2.  Are you ignoring the signs ?

3.  Are you recycling the same men ?

4. Can he reach you but, you can't reach him ?

5. Is he always making up excuses for why he can't commit ?

6. Does he keep cheating on you ?

7. Are you frowning majority of the time that you're in his presence ?

8. Are you the only one fighting for the relationship ?

9. Do you use sex as a tool to keep him around ?

10. Has he led you on and dropped you like a bad habit multiple times ?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions it doesn't mean you're in a terrible relationship.    There are different kinds of dynamics that make relationships what they are. Know your worth, respect yourself and always follow your intuition.


EVERYONE FALLS SHORT SOMETIMES


Life is too rough not to believe in something at the end of the day.  It's hard to have relationships with people because people will fall short. People will hurt you. Even if they have the best intentions at heart, people won't always act the way you think they should. Frankly, sometimes people don't deserve you.

We have a relationship with God and we hurt him. We fall short and we don't always do the things we should do. However, God will never forsake you no matter what. Proverbs 24:16 says "A man falls seven times but rises back up again." No matter what you do or how much you hurt the Lord, it's never too late. His mercy endures forever. He will forgive you with no condemnation.

We owe it to God to forgive the people that hurt us.  We shouldn't carry a burden of anger around for anyone. We receive all the chances we ask for with God.  We owe it to him to follow in the likeness of him and have mercy on the wrongdoers.

 
 

WHERE ARE ALL HE GOOD MEN?

 

Good men are hard to find. The saying is still true to this day. I know the saying is cliché, but let's be honest good men aren't exactly raining from the sky above. If it was raining men I'm sure all the available gay men would've already scooped them up anyways. If you're single, if you're not single or if you're in an "it's complicated," I'm sure you have already dated around enough to know that a lot of guys out there just aren't worth the time. Some guys play games, some lead you on and some just don't know how to treat a woman. Why does it seem like there aren't any good men anymore?
Times have changed. Women are taking on the responsibilities as the head of the household, single parent homes are now the norm and people are now meeting their mate off the Internet. It seems like when it comes to relationships things are changing for the worse. So why should we expect the results to be any different when trying to find a good man?

The reality of it is, men are getting lazy and women are accepting it (of course there are always exceptions). When you think about it, being a good man takes hard work. A good man has to be disciplined enough to be loyal, patient enough to respect your boundaries, understanding enough to respect your values, chivalrous enough to treat you like a lady, he has to be trustworthy, appreciative and the list goes on. If this was easy to achieve there would be a lot more good men out there and way less jerks. 

We as women play a part in the demise of good men as well. We have allowed men to get away with being jerks. Think about it... Men will do just about anything to impress a woman. They used to court a woman they were interested in. They used to have to work to get a woman. Now, it seems like women have lowered their standards and are okay with not getting courted. Women are acting like cubic zirconium's instead of the true rare gems that they truly are.
Before a man will understand your worth you have to know you’re worth it. If you act like less then you are, don't be surprised when he follows suit. If a man doesn't have to do anything extra to get with a woman he definitely won't. It's human nature not to work hard for something that can easily be handed to you; this is why someone coined the phrase "work smarter not harder". If women started giving men a challenge again, I know men would rise to the challenge because that's what they're hard-wired to do.
Yes, there will always be the type of girl who will accept a man with too many liabilities; however that doesn't have to be you. You deserve more. If you know that, you will attract someone who believes the same.

 

FIGHTING FOR A BETTER TOMORROW

 

I'm in a transitional period in life right now.  Here I am, after College, after being laid off from my first job out of College, after being looked over as an Intern and after all my hopes have been crushed. I'm perplexed by the turn of events that led to my unclear nature.  Being in debt from the attack of the massive student loans leaves me feeling bewildered by the University education I gave my blood, sweat and tears to.  All the things that helped me define myself were all taken away from me in an instant.  I'm Lost. I spend most of my days trying to figure out what to do next. I'm trying to decide who I am.

I never thought deeply about what I wanted, and who I was until everything was taken away.  Never have I ever been so unsure of myself. When life has you down on your knees, it's in those desperate times that you're forced to make decisions that become the cultivation of who you are in this world. Also, when you are on your knees you're in the perfect position to pray.

Life can be cruel and I let it get me disoriented. It made me forget all the reasons why I am special.  It encouraged me to stop dreaming about the future and to grimace at my present.  I got tired of feeling sorry for myself and I looked to my christian background to pull me out of my funk.  One scripture in particular really resonated with me.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."

  

Knowing that my future isn't in the hands of life itself but, in the hands of God gave me all the courage I needed to believe in myself again. My faith in him has been my crutch through this whole entire process. The process has only just begun but instead of feeling defeated before the fight is over, I'm going to fight until I am victorious.

I never thought deeply about what I wanted and who I was until everything was taken away.  I have nothing to lose so I'm fighting for a better tomorrow today.

 

TEN WAY TO FIND OUT IF YOU'RE PMSING

 
 


1.  No matter where you are driving one way or another you get lost.


2.  Your guy seems to be pissing you off to the extreme.... and all he did was look in your direction.


3.  Everyday seems like an attack on you.


4.  You can't seem to make up your mind. One minute your on you way to a dinner party, then you decide your not in the mood to be sociable and make a u-turn to go back home.


5.  You cry because of the dramatic Allstate Insurance commercials.


6.  You'd knock a person out if they got between you and your sweets.


7.  You crave things. I crave sunflower seeds, Pepsi and Ferrero Rocher chocolates.


8.  You take a nap as soon as you get home, you wake up, eat and go back to sleep.


9.  During this time all your relationships get tested because your testy.


10.  Your bed becomes your sanctuary and everyone entering is doing so at their own risk.


MAKING ALL YOUR DREAMS SOME TRUE







Everyone wants to accomplish something in their life time rather it be big or small. We all want what Trey Songz crooned over the Drake track, "I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful".  Some of us are lucky enough to find our purpose and passion early in life. When you find your gift it is your duty to pursue your dreams. All talent but, wasted talent is good talent. So, you’ve decided what you want to do, you know how you’re going to do it and you’ve done it. You are not seeing results and you wonder why?


How can you walk if at first you don’t crawl? Just think it takes a baby 6 to 11 months before they can walk. Pursuing a dream and making it come true is like a baby taking its first steps, it will take time. You must believe, accept and trust that you will succeed in God’s time and not your own. Everyone must pay their dues before they get to enjoy their prize.

Sacrifice, put your steps in order, and go through the pain so that you can prosper. You serve an amazing God who has the abilities to bless you and make your every dream come true. God has to know you're serious and ready for all the awesome things he will make happen for you. You must use your gift he gave you, have a plan, take action on your plan, put in time and he will prosper you. I wish you the best in all your endeavors. Believe in God and his promise! Peace.

Yours Truly, T

Picture via Weheartit.com

ON YOUR SIDE OF THE BED

 
Have you ever been forced out of the bed because your boyfriend was sleeping on your side of the bed?  Doesn't it just irk your nerves that you either have to fall out of the bed, be squished,  uncomfortable on the edge of the bed or trying to budge a grown ass man on their side of the bed?  If you've had this problem don't worry there is a way to solve it that doesn't involve money, sleeping alone or you giving him a black eye. Here's how I got my boyfriend to stay on his side of the bed.

Four in the morning, wide awake, starring at the ceiling fan; It's hot, I look to my left and find this big man in my bubble.  I'm small in stature so I scoot over a little more and rest my eyes again.  Three minutes later, I'm suddenly hot all over again.  I look to my left and again a big man is back in my area.  I nudge him back over to his side and exhale, back to sleep I go.  Fifteen minutes have passed and I am now breathing on the back of this big man's head because again he has rolled back over to my side.  In a rage, I grab my pillow and storm out the bedroom to sleep on the couch.

The next morning,  I woke up to my boyfriend apologizing for kicking me out of the bed.  I looked at him and rolled my eyes, after all, this is not the first time he has slept with no regard for me.  This had to stop, or our relationship could be compromised.  Yes, our relationship could get turbulent because sleep is very important to me.

As my day went on I was still upset with him for what he did in his lack of consciousness,  however I can never stay mad at him for long.  To ensure a good nights sleep for both of us, I decided to persuade his unconscious mind to stay on his side of the bed because telling him wasn't working.

I cooked him a delicious chicken Alfredo meal and we were involved in innocent flirty foreplay the whole night.  Finally, it was time to go to bed.  Of course he wasn't letting me sleep without getting it in first, therefore ... I put it on him ( yes, I have a big ego :-D ).  I had him right where I wanted him, and I said "Now, are you going to stay on your side of the bed... Huh, huh ?"  He kinda giggled and gave me a breathy "Yea".

That night I had plenty of room.  I slept exceptionally well and not one finger, or toe crossed the border that I call "My side of the bed".  If your are dealing with sleep issues like this try to speak to his unconscious mind.  Actually if you want your man to do anything speak to him in his most vulnerable intimate moments with you and I guarantee you'll get it.



TRUE STORY



You've heard the saying "What goes around, comes around." The saying is so true, beware of what you put out in the universe.  Like every couple, me and my b.f argue from time to time. It's healthy and fuel for our make up session.  This particular argument happened to be completely unnecessary and fully my fault.  After the argument I made a dramatic New York (from Flavor of Love) style exit. As I fled his apartment I knew I would regret making this such a big deal but, I had already packed up all my things so I had to stay committed to it.

A few hours later I had completely calmed down and failed to rationalize my complete overreaction to the whole situation.  I knew I had to make a dramatic apology to make it right between us again. In every romantic comedy when the person messes up they make a grand jester to get their lover back. Carrie did it to Aidan by walking his diarrhea dog down 5th ave, and now it was my turn.  I planned a sexy jester to prove how sorry I was for earlier.  This was a little less original, it was more of a trench coat situation.

I'm dressed like a hooker in my trench and my leopard stripper platforms walking up the steps to his apartment. I had this rehearsed. I was going to walk in real sexy like and say " Truce" as I whipped my trench coat open exposing my Victoria's Secret.

That is not at all how it happened. I didn't make it past the wooden floor without falling on my knees.
I grabbed him for balance not once but, twice before hitting the ground. O.M.G! I was so embarrassed! I shouted for him to turn around so, I could escape.  Once he did I crawled on all fours to the bed room I crawled because for one I needed practice walking on the carpet with these heels and two I didn't want to him to see the look of horror on my face.

I changed into pajamas and about thirty minutes later I faced him. I told him I was sorry for earlier and I didn't want to talk about what had happened.

In relationships we are transparent. We let people come into our lives and challenge them to love us flaws and all.   When you make mistakes you are challenging a person to love you. To make it less of a challenge you can decide to apologize.  In whatever way you prefer you need to make your partner know that you are sorry.  But, Ladies be careful when it involves 7 inch stilettos.


BI CURIOUS



I was ready for martinis, but I wanted to go to a hip new spot here in Houston.  My friend and I searched for the perfect spot to get our drink on at. We ended up at a video lounge called Guava Lamp.  I just knew I was going to have to swat all the guys off tonight, because I was looking too good.  The website was boasting this was the place to go to meet Mr. Right.  After entering the video bar I realized the men were not starring at me because I was hot, they were starring at me because I was out of place.

Hmmm... What gave me that idea?  The stares, the house music and the music video with the oiled up guys showing their asses. Oh, my gosh. This is the third time my friend has brought me to a gay bar without my consent. I ran to the bathroom to make sure I didn't have cake on my face (which is what I was imagining).  "I'm going to kill him" I thought to myself as I looked at the poster promoting the Booty Banana Boys appearance.

As the evening progresses and the drinks started flowing I actually really enjoyed this experience. The bartender was very nice and made some bomb drinks for the cheap.  You can request any music video you want to watch as you socialize or throw back some  dirty martinis for the less.  I think gay bars are great for an attached girl like myself. This a place you can go to to get the bar scene and the drinks without worrying about how to turn down the guys.  This is also a good place to go to see if that guy you are dating is on the straight and narrow.  What do you ladies think of going to gay bars?


I'M LUCKY I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND




Many people shy away from being overly corny but, that may be because people haven't found a love like mine.  I can't imagine a better half that completes me. I didn't feel whole before I met him. And now I have found my missing half. My life has been truly and happily fulfilled since he swept me off my two feet.

 His arms hold all of me, my pain, my needs, my moods and my love. His heart is giant, it holds unconditional love for me, and it holds patience in my times of frustration for me and compassion in the moments when I lack.

His lips kiss all my worries away; they bring me joy, security and comfort. His eyes see the me that I sometimes don't see, in the midst of defeat he sees my opportunity and when I don't have confidence in myself he gives it to me.

 

His laugh contains the medicine and my remedy; it is an infectious disease that promises deliverance from anger. If you're around him you'll see that his charisma won't allow you to be a stranger. He gives me a shoulder to cry on at times and uses his humor to help dry my eyes.

His words mean so much to me. They collect me when I'm losing it. For three years faithfully they tell me I'm beautiful every day. And often I can't wait to hear all he has to say.  Most importantly he proves that by me he will stand.
Boy, am I lucky I fell in love with my best friend.

 

PLATONIC INTENTIONS



“He’s just a friend.” “She’s just a friend.” Followed by the, “I swear nothing has ever happened between us.” This is what you may find your mate saying when you question their friendship with the opposite sex. Naturally you may question your mate’s relationships with the opposite sex but, if they truly are “just friends” then you will know. Most people have intentions in mind when they are dealing with someone. If their intentions are to be romantically involved with their so-called “friend”, then it won’t be too long before the truth surfaces.




I’ve had many male friends who have been great until they tried to cross the friendship line. For men and women, being platonic friends is not an easy feat. According to an article by Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., men and women can’t be “just friends”. He states that it’s harder for men to define intimate relationships with women as non-sexual due to their species evolution. To be “just friends” goes against their DNA. Also, men are more sexual beings, therefore, your male friend has probably thought about having sex with you at one time or another.




According to science it is not likely that men and women can be “just friends”. However, there is an exception to every rule. I have been friends with a heterosexual man for 15 years. We are truly like brother and sister. There is no way either one of us would ever cross that line. Contrary to popular belief, men and women can be friends. If a man and a woman genuinely want to be friends, then it is possible. The problem is not that women and men can’t be friends; the problem lies with finding someone with platonic intentions.


Source

Picture courtesey of Getty Images

Everyday in our lives we meet people. These people have little or no effect on our lives.

Then you meet THAT ONE person who changes your life forever.
 

 

SHAKING UP

 


I'm the type of person who approaches life like a lion seeks out his prey. I'm an excellent stalker when it comes to a goal I have in life or a big decision I'm going to make. I become obsessed with that particular goal/decision, learning all that I can before I leap into action. I ask advice from everyone around me; I learn from other's mistakes and ask for guidance from God. My next big decision involves another person so this time it's twice as complicated.

Ever since I could remember I have always wanted to be engaged before I moved in with someone. I felt as though shacking up would taint the relationship. Maybe what I felt wasn't in vain because statistics show couples who move in together have a higher divorce rate than those who wait until after they're married/engaged. However when all signs but one point to YES what's a girl to do?

My roots always take me back to my religious identity. I know in my heart shaking up is wrong in God's eyes. I know that he has favor on his children who obey him. Like my Momma always says, "God don't bless no mess." After thinking long and hard I realize that I really want God to bless my relationship in the best ways possible. Not only do I want him to bless my relationship but, I want him to bless us both individually.  

Moving in together means more to me then just having a roommate. When we move in together we are committing to a future together that will end in marriage. It is a very big deal and people have different pieces of advice based of their own experience.  Every relationship is different it is hard to compare your relationship with another person's relationship experience. So when I ask others advice I usually take it with a grain of salt when it comes to some complicated situations like this one.

After much thought and research these are the questions you should ask yourself before you decide to move in with your significant other:

1. Why do I want to move in with him?
Moving in together is not a legitimate goal. However, building a future and being the other half to your soul mate should be. Moving in together is the beginning of the joining of two people that will become one and if that's not your goal then maybe you are not ready to move in with each other.

2. Can I accept their flaws?

This is where unconditional love comes into play. Once you move in with a person their flaws will be magnified, so it is better to talk about each others flaws early on and figure out if you are ready to accept it on a daily basis. Also, you have to genuinely like your mate as a person and not just in a romantic way.

3. Have you already addressed the problems that you are already aware of?
If there is something you have a major issue with, it needs to be addressed before you decide to move in with each other. Otherwise it may cause a major conflict in the relationship later on because you will not be able to just get away from them like you could have when you were not living together.

4. Is your long-term goals compatible with your mates?
Religion, family, career, traveling and spirituality all have to fit in together. Do you want to provide for each other? What are the liabilities your mate is bringing with them and are you willing to take them on as your own? All of these long-term goals need to match up with what your partner wants for their future as well.

Living with someone is a big commitment. If you’ve already answered some of these questions and you are not certain about the answer you may need to take a step back. Think hard because this decision will affect your relationship. When making an important decision like this act like a lion and look before you leap.
 
 

THINGS TO DISCUSS BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER

After plenty research and advice these are some of the most important things to discuss before you decide to move in together:

1. Finances - Of course two is better than one but can you depend on your partner to keep up their end of the deal? Learning the ends and outs of the financial situation will cause a lot less arguments in the future.

2. Merging - Are you comfortable having someone else in your space? When you lived with your parents you still had your own room. Living with your partner will not allow you to have the same luxury so make sure you both recognize the need for personal space. Also make your place a home for both of you, you can do this by making sure your partner has a say in every major decision about your home (decor, pets, home maintenance and etc.).

3. Goals/Ideals - Are you in the same place or heading in the same direction? Are you both moving in because you want to build a future together? When you think about the goals you have in life does your partner fit into them? When you live together it is no longer just about you, you have to always think about this other person and their feelings, does your future goals allow you to do that?

4. Priorities - It is important that you discuss your number one priorities. You both must realize that life outside of your relationship does happen, therefore you need to communicate what your top priorities are and that you may not always be your partner’s number one priority. If you are focused on a career, school, family the other person in the relationship needs to be made aware of that and set boundaries during these affairs. Your partner cannot be your only support system and it’s unfair to put that pressure on them. If your partner has any of these issues respect them and work around them.

5. Schedules - If your partner has a different schedule then yours you need to respect their sleep time PERIOD and vice versa. Weather you will eat together/separate, who will cook and on what days is also something that should be discussed as well. You will need to know what to expect from each other.

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