Apr 3, 2012

When the going gets tough. PT 1.


There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  I am going to do a series on getting through the tough times in a relationship.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself.

How do you deal with animosity in your relationship?
Do you get irritable and snap at your mate?  Do you act like everything is OK, when they're not?  Do you find ways to stay apart more?  Whatever your coping mechanism is you really need to be genuine with yourself and your situation.

For instance I know I cope with relationship problems internally. I hold it in until I burst or I'm coaxed to purge.  I know... not healthy at all.  However, I grew up in a strict single parent home, Mom was too busy trying to survive to listen.  Expressing yourself out of adversity as a child was a bit unheard of.  You're a kid, you're not supposed to have worries....Wrong! I keep this burden of silence with me to this day when I feel completely overwhelmed with emotions. Knowing your coping mechanism helps you figure out if you may have some issues that you need to address.

I would encourage you to take the time out to recognize you're coping mechanism. Once you do try to pinpoint exactly why you cope like you do.  If you cope an unhealthy way then you may need to try to correct it or at least acknowledge your issue.

Next Tuesday let's discuss the 2nd point...Honesty in your situation.

24 comments:

  1. i know what you mean.when you get to that point you should think whether your feelings are strong enough to keep on working or it's better to get out if that relationship.the sooner the better...

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    1. Yes, I think it's important to try if it's someone you really love but, if not... LEAVE.

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  2. Self reflection is such an important tool in improving oneself! I've done a lot of reflecting over the past couple of years - I've been able to pinpoint my negative traits and figure out how to realistically improve them. I've always been the type to hold it in, as well. It's hard to learn to communicate when you're not used to expressing your feelings, right?

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    1. It's so hard!! But, I've learned to do it in a comfortable setting where it's safe to say whatever without consequences which is something I'll talk about later in the series. ;)

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  3. I completelly agree with Mary's comment! I think and do the same as her :)

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  4. Oi amiga Tarah!!
    Well, I invite you for dinner in my home! Of course!
    Come here in Brasil to eat my dinner and visit my country.
    You´re welcome!
    I liked your spanish. Keep trying.

    And in my relationship I try to talk about everything. Is important.

    Querida Tarah, eu gosto de você e muito!
    Volte sempre!

    Beijos
    Kisses
    Canela

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  5. Fortunately I have been in a very healthy relationship with great communication both ways, but sometimes I also tend to keep up the thoughts boxed up and they come out suddenly and I realize keeping them closed up is not a great idea!! Hope you are having a wonderful day!
    -Jyoti
    Style-Delights Blog
    Let's Twitter Together
    Friend and Fan on Facebook

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    1. Thanks for the well wishes. Every relationship needs communication and I'm happy to know that you have it. Even if you box things up sometimes, that's healthy too.

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  6. a relationship is not easy all the time, but everyone says that the most important thing is communicate, easy to say but not always to do! hope you find the right way to express yourself easily in every kind on relations. xxx

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    1. Thanks Stefania. It's not easy for some.

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  7. Communication is extremely important in a relationship, and is a requirement for a healthy relationship. Great post!

    Lynn
    CARMEN VOGUE

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  8. I always tell my boyfriend whats going on :/ from experience not telling him anything and letting him "guess" is not the right path. he sometimes have no clue -.-

    natalie
    http://lucyandtherunaways.blogspot.com

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    1. Guys never have a clue... At least that's been my experience and How fair is it for us to expect them to be mind readers? Not fair at all.
      Thanks for the comment.

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  9. Such a wonderful post!
    Right now I am in a new relationship, we have been together for only 2 months! And right now we don't have any communication problems, but as I said the relationship is really new and it is really interesting to see what the future holds for us!
    But I really regret that I wasn't as open and honest in my last relationship as I could have been. It would have prevented a lot of heartbreak. But now at least I have learned from my mistakes, I just wish I was a bit wiser some while ago!

    callmemaddie.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you can take waht you know now and a pply it to your new relationship and see how far it will take you guys. :) A lot of effort and love is all you need. And I wish you lots of happiness in your new relationship!

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  11. Sex and the city is one of my favorite series, I love it!

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  12. This post is really good, I come from a single parent family too, and I never really thought about bottling up emotions because of that but it's so true. There was no time for that. I've noticed that it does depend on the relationship and how comfortable the two of you are with each other. My coping mechanism is terrible, I don't say anything and then fester for ages before erupting in a loud confrontation that the guy usually never saw coming. I've stayed out of relationships for a while, mostly because the next one I have I want to work, and be with someone that understands me (and knows what he's in for) haha. Lookin forward to next post x

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    1. Kam,
      There are so many factors that encourage our behaviors and I'm glad you saw something in my post that you hadn't thought about earlier. I know you can make the next one work if it is meant to be. A man that truly loves you will never let you go no matter what the situation is, and a woman who loves a man will stick around no matter how angry she is at him. :) Thanks Kam.

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  13. I use to bottle things up and keep it in. Now I tell people how I feel. My last relationship was a catastrophe. I think I finally got rid of him. HAHA
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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    1. Kim, You make me laugh. A catastrophe..really? Glad you got outta there.

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