When the going gets tough Pt. 3

There are times in a relationship when it feels like more work then fun.  When that time comes you may be tempted to flee,  be hostile or isolate yourself.  If you are in a committed relationship you know how harmful that can be to your relationship.  I am doing to do a series on getting through the tough times in a relationship.  Hoping to help anyone that is going through this and also as therapy for myself. The first part of the series we talked about knowing your coping mechanism, the second part dealt with honesty. Here is the link to both parts. 

The last step in the "when the going gets tough series" is to communicate.  Communication is tricky.  It has to be the right time for communication to be used as a mending tool.  In long term relationships we tend to get defensive. Once your guard goes up it will be hard for any positivity to occur.  It will end up being the blame game or silent game or blow off game or a screaming match.

Sometimes you have to drop a conversation and pick it back up after both contenders have completely cooled off.  It's hard to know the exact time when you should have the talk but when the right moment approaches you'll know.  It's not going to be on your time, and not necessarily their time but it will be a time of peace.  That is when you both can get your points across without all the forceful components.

You may have the same argument over and over again because it's not the right time to communicate but when you get it right you will be glad you had the talk.  Nine times out of ten you are both harboring secret feelings that the other doesn't know about and genuinely listening will allow you and your mate to feel comfortable sharing them.

 Don't make the mistake and think a man doesn't have feelings because they do. Sometimes it is harder for them to be in touch with their own emotions so have patience (a good friend told me that). After all, love is patient. Once you feel understood then proving a point will no longer be the goal. At the end of the day all we want is to be heard and for our feelings to be validated.