May 30, 2011

But, He Loves Me

We've all been in relationships that haven't been the best for us, but we stayed for love or faux love.  I understand why some women stay in these unhealthy relationships.  I think it has everything to do with not knowing your self-worth.  If you know your self-worth you will not allow yourself to put up with certain things, right?

In my sexual psychology class I learned that men are worse at separating love and rationality than women are.  That is the reason we want to have so many talks with our guys, instead of being able to just "go with the flow".  If something doesn't make sense to us we will question the hell out of it until we get a rational answer or until it starts to make sense.  But, why do we stay when all things rational are telling us that we should go?  Since I can't answer this baffling question, I do have some pointers to help avoid this confound situation.

The rules of thumb: When I first became "of age" my Daddy made sure he talked to me about boys.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  One summer, I was sitting at the bar in the kitchen when I felt his firm heavy hand gently touch my back.  In that simple yet complex touch, he reaffirmed to me that I was his joy.  After a short conversation about school we had a long discussion about the birds and the bees.  Two things he told me that summer stuck with me, and I still believe in them wholeheartedly.  He said, "Don't listen to what these ni99as tell you UNLESS there is some action behind it and make sure he keeps his promises."

I hear u talking but you ain't saying nothing: I know sometimes we get swept away by the things that men say to us.  But, actions truly do speak louder than words.  If a man is constantly showing you disrespect.  He does not respect you.  See, men are simple creatures whatever they continuously do for or to you is a sure sign of how they feel about you. Don't ignore the continual signs he's giving you because you're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  If he is continually showing you that he has asshole tendencies then believe that he's a consistent asshole.  The same goes for a man that knows how to treat a woman.  Do not try to make him into the "bad guy" because of history you've had with another man.  It is okay to believe that he is actually a good guy if he has those consistent good guy tendencies.  Instead of taking the things that men say to heart allow them to prove it to you before you fall head over heels for them.

Know your worth: If there was anything my Dad showed me it was that I am his princess: beautiful, rare, loved, and respected.  So, I'll be a Monkey's Uncle if I let a man treat me less then what I am already accustomed to.  Women need to know their worth.  A woman should never have to endure an abusive relationship with a man.  We should not allow a man to treat us like less than what we're worth.  Don't settle, but realize that no man is perfect.

The Devil is a lie:  I'm sure we all have or know someone who has fallen victim to believing that no one else will love you again like that one guy.  Well, I'm here to tell you that that is a big fat lie!  There will be a man that will treat you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.  After all it is the way of the Lord.  Ephesians 5:25-28 "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church-a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor-since they're already "one" in marriage".
The "bad guys" are a dime a dozen but, the good men come few and far between.  So, If you're lucky enough to snatch up a good one then appreciate what you do have and thank God for what you don't have.

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