May 30, 2011

Marriage and the Anticipation Factor

Are women hardwired from birth to want marriage so much that they fall in love with the idea rather than the man they're going to marry? I sat in class one summer listening to my group member ask another classmate that was getting married how she got him to propose to her, and that she wanted her man to do the same. When I heard the classmate ask her I almost gagged. This is the same girl who has told me numerous horror stories about her boyfriend and their alleged “relationship”. I couldn’t believe that she would even consider marriage at this point. Mind you, this girl’s boyfriend didn't have a job, wasn't educated, wasn’t motivated to be better and wasn’t even handy around the house. She literally referred to him as “The homeless bum”. However, she was still obsessed with getting him to propose.

I don't understand why we get so caught up in the idea of marriage. According to Ezine articles, “…As soon as a woman descends her teenage, a natural force develops curiosity for getting married. Your ambition to get settled in professional life might delay your age of marriage, still you don't completely abandon the thought of enjoying the status of a married woman.” Where does this “natural force” come from?

Society, media and your own family values cultivate your ideas and beliefs. I’m sure we’ve all grown up watching fairy tales. If not then, I’m sure you’ve read about them. No matter the fairy tale there is always an ending that never strays from the same “happily ever after” conclusion; the girl falls in love, she marries a man and lives happily ever after. Part of the reason women anticipate marriage is because it has been ingrained in them since they were young. We love those happy endings and subconsciously we decide at a very young age that we want what Cinderella has, to be swept away in a carriage with prince charming.

We prematurely want marriage before we even know what it in tells. This may have been the case with the anxious classmate with the slacker boyfriend. The engaged classmate gave her a word of advice she said, “Make sure he has a job first, and some money.” I cracked up when I heard that. I’m not engaged but I would think the first thing you need is to be in a committed relationship, and then comes unconditional love but, maybe I’m crazy.

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